Stressed Out

Rikshaw

I was pretty stressed out today. I went with Benji the whole day. Maybe it is culture shock or the constant heat but people staring at me from the second I step out of my apartment till the time I step back in and having a constant demanding little shadow follow me around all the time telling me I’m fat, I am stupid, I’m careless, I’m not thinking of my body I should wear makeup, I should cut my hair-god it sure is wearing me down. He is so delicate to look at yet his lack of gentleness is hard to deal with-pinch, bite, pull, push-it sure does get old. I was inches from tears almost all day. If I was back home it wouldn’t get to me as much I think but here its like something is wearing you down 24/7 and you never get a chance to get completely on your feet again. My lil shadow (Benji) took me to the place called Rajghat where Gandhi gave his last speech; a sort of memorial park full of well maintained grass, trees, and lazy cattle resting in the shade near a big lake in the center of the park. On are way there we went through crowed of war protesters chanting what I imagined to be anti American comments and holding up signs in Hindi.The CCS staff had worned us to stay away from old Delhi at all costs but Benji seemed to have forgotten that and for a few brief moments I wondered if I would be dragged from my fragil 3 wheeled rickshaw and beaten to death. SCARY! Anyways, the park was nice but at the same time unsettling. The men were so gawky and I felt a threatening vib in the atmosphere. I felt unsafe away from the crowds of tourists. Once, when we settled down in the shade of a large bolder near the lake, two cops actually came and told us not to sit so close together or preferably not together at all. One guy even took it upon himself to stay and stare at us unashamedly after the others had driven away on their motorcycle. I think staring at strange and bizarre sights such as aliens with six legs, giant pink frogs and the strangest thing of all...now prepare yourself.are you ready? WHITE WOMEN! Never mind the camels, elephants, paradise, ancient forts intricately carved and inlayed with precious stones or other banal objects of interest that are commonly seen on the streets of Delhi, the women with skin lighter then theirs was the only thing worth staring at. Benji hardly noticed but by the end of the day it was all I could do not to scream F#$@ OFF BASTARDS and punch the next wide-eyed man I saw in the face. (Can you tell I am a little tense!)