Hotel Room Rave

God I am tired. Last night was crazy. I wish I could go home for just a day, I am feeling worn down by everything. I love it here but I just need a break for a little while. It would be so nice to walk down the street and not be stared at.... to be completely invisible...and at the same time I am feeling so alone, my groups are all clicking and I don’t know how to do that...I guess I just don't fit in very easily. I try talking, being all interested in them, they ignore me, and so I have resorted to just shutting up and staying to myself as usual. I cant figure it out...what do they do to get in the click...their conversation isn’t all that deep most of the time and I can match it pretty well so what the hell is the problem. In America a guy wont talk to me and here every single and several married guys would be glade to sleep with me but its just that, they don’t care about anything, its just about sex and money and visas so I can’t do that, its just not right. So, what the hell am I supposed to do? ...I want someone to talk to and give massages and go to eat with and spend time with. I want to go out and have someone to talk to in a group instead of tagging along all the time. Indian guys are sleazy, most American guys are to, and the ones that are not wont give me the time of day. I donno, just feeling somewhat alone. The dancing last night was awesome, but I donno, it got a little out of hand and that is totally not me. I hate that, I hate beer and I donno.... damn.... everat in a way that was just not "you"? That did not make you proud? .....anyways.... better go.... I have 3 hours to kill and if I go back to the flat I will just be lone in my room and if I stay here and walk back in the dark ill get killed, god I miss sisters.