Busy Evening

Tonight was beautiful. The Nahargarh or the Tiger Fort was amazingly beautiful, or the view from the fort I should say. The fort itself was another, rather scary experience. I did not feel safe there at all The first area we went, men seemed to emerge out of the shadows and circle like dogs on the scent of a kill. They were making snide comments in Hindi, which were obviously offensive, and Salim was visibly agitated. He got me out of there alive, for whom I am forever grateful and we went higher on the stone walk. The view was as romantic as anyone could hope for but Salim seemed uneasy and rarely took his eyes off the courtyard behind us. On the drive back I attempted to chat but my voice is still hopelessly uncooperative...Ugg!
LATER
As we rolled into town I felt like I was fly’n high, I was actually doing it! On my own, I am actually living my dream…. Wow! We had a cold coffee at some small time café…conversation was minimal but there was a great live band playing a sort of tope 40 mix Hindi style. We walked back to the car and drove back to the hotel….I think I must have a guardian angel….of all the guides in India I actually got one that isn’t going to kill me…he is experienced at the game and plays it well but at least no one is fooling themselves. I appreciate him for that. He is a bit self-centered but he hides it well so he is forgiven. If people are going to play they should always remember it’s a game otherwise it ends up hurting people. He has taught me a lot about India, its men, Islam and the ideals its young men hold and about myself. The haze is clearing away from my mind a little and I am beginning to see clearly again. I think friends, lovers, or any meaningful relationships in your life are really based on how you feel while you’re with that person. Men her think women dress like they do in America because they want sex but I think it is because they want to feel wanted, beautiful and loved. It is much more psychological then physical. I am beginning to understand how people can marry for reasons other then love. A marriage based on logic can, in some ways, be more convenient and less stressful then those based on emotion. Maybe that’s because a lot of what people call love is simply need. They need each other for emotion support, reassurance, acceptance, etc. Well, tomorrow we are going to a movie perhaps and chilling…maybe shopping god forbid…plz plz plz let me have my voice back! C ya