Temple Hopping

The Delhi volunteer group at a Hindu temple



We went temple hopping today. We were hauled around to two temples and a mosque (Jama Mosjid). After the magical promise it is of red and white marble domes and gracefully erect prayer towers, Jamma Mosjid was a bit disappointing. Mosques are rather an anti climactic in my opinion. The people seemed slightly hostile and I do not know if it was my imagination or not but there seemed to be an angry gleam in the stares of the people there. My favorite place of all was the Sikh temple. It was wonderfully peaceful and spirituality almost permeated the walls of the place. You can feel god (in whatever form)in the air around it. It was not quiet as breath taking as the Golden Temple but I loved it never the less. There was a lake in it and huge red and white codfish swam in its waters. There were drummers and singers playing holy music and groups of worshipers praying. There was also a shallow pool to wash your feet in after you removed your shoes and gave them to the shoe counter for safekeeping. The last place we went was the Hindu temple. Statues of gods, and animals decorated the place and gawking men hung around every corner. Anyways, I met Benji last night but the conversational aspect of the evening was non-existent cuz he managed to tick me off right from the start. He listens to what everyone says but me. It drives me crazy. I have a confession to make. McDonalds, the evil American corp. finally sucked me in. Yes, I ate at the big M in India. Shame shame. The atmosphere is a little snobbish if you can believe it but god does Mcstraberry shakes (I had 2 actually…shhhh!) and Mcchicken nuggets taste good! After I finished writing we will head to Delhi is posh new theater where we will hopefully catch Shrek 2 at 9pm. I will be home by 12pm..Im sure Joggy will be thrilled and so will I at 5am tomorrow! The movie looks wonderfully Western and the popcorn has arrived so off to the show I go.

Hospital Thoughts

Virginia died last night. She was a volunteer from England who I did not know very well. Apparently, her liver exploded because of some Hepatitis she picked up in Egypt. It was Hep. A and contagious. God, life is nothing to rely on. I am starting to worry. I am feeling much better but I still am constantly exhausted and have at least two fever and/or cold sweat sessions that last around 20-30 minutes each day. I can be in the best air-conditioned café and the sweat will start rolling down my face and neck. Anyways, the whole lot of us are going to the hospital for blood tests and check ups. The thing that worries me is my complete lack of energy. Some of the other volunteers look worn down too so I hope its just India that is getting me down and nothing serious. At MAX HOSPITAL, I am back but at least this time, I have company. Life: I always thought of it as a guarantee, a sort of ticket from god to 80 years on earth. The reality is that it is in no way guaranteed and many people do not even get a shot at it. It is so devoid of magic, at least in the fairies, true love, and happy endings sense. Since there is not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it I will just have to give it my best shot (that goes for you to). Is there a “meaning” to life? I am beginning to think that there is not. No wonder people take drugs and drink. I talked to my Punjabi driver today that helped a lot more then any of the meds. I have been taking. We did not exchange many words but he did remember my name, which made me feel great. Work went well as usual. I should say more about it but I do not know what to say, you just have to be here to get it.

A Weekend With Benji

Benji's landlord, his landlords wife and me

I was not picked up for work this morning for some reason. I spent the weekend with Benji and it was reasonably good. We went to Ansal Plaza (a sort of modern shopping mall in New Delhi) and had an honest to god chicken hot dog before heading to the market. On the way, we picked up a woman who went with us to the market and helped with the barging. Most of the stuff was junk so I did not buy much. The weekend was spent eating, sleeping, chatting, playing cards and “socializing” with boundless members of the landlords family. Today is raksha bandhan, a Hindu holiday for brothers and sisters. I am supposed to go to Dili Hote to shop at 1pm and maybe chill in the modern art or national museum. We will see.

Terminated?

My room after a month of fever...cleanliness is NOT a priority with the way I am feeling!

I want to go home. Joggy told me that I would be "terminated" if I didn't start doing something. Eat lunch everyday, stay away from Benji, smile? Jesus. I have not been going to enough lunchs or being social enough I guess...no shit! I didn't come here to smile or eat. I have only missed 1 day of work my whole time here, what does he expect? I am barely alive and he wants me to socialize! I am not even that good at socializing when I feel okay. It pissed me off. No, it made me feel like bursting into tears on the spot. He kept asking "is there something wrong with you?". he said it so many times I have started asking myself the same question. I know he is well intentioned but god Im loosing it. Is India driving me insane? Is there something wrong with me? I do not think so but everything or rather, everyone seems to point that way. LATER Yuk....modern Indians. I am in Ansal Plaza mall with you know who. I skipped work today because I could not breath when I woke up this morning. God I don't know why everything has to be so hard in this damn place.

Rewards

The hospitals washing machines


Happy feeling is a little deflated-fear is back and my throat is being uncooperative although it has not failed me completely yet. Work was great today. The patiences had a small dance party and the head caregiver actually participated in a dancing routine for an upcoming Rakja Bundhan festival. They were sweet and halfway decent at the dancing bit if I do say so myself. It was a beautiful thing to watch these people dancing, smiling, and enjoying such simple pleasures. Two women sat with me the last hour and massaged my legs and arms while gazing lovingly at me as if I was some sort of goddess sent to them to save their eternal souls. It was a strange feeling. THOUGHT they told me I would either hate this country or love it. In the end, I feel both ways intensely. I have felt fear, anger, hate, sadness, loneliness, shame, pity, jealousy, pain, powerlessness, despair, and prejudice. I have also felt love, hope, deep gratitude, connection, wisdom, pride, and confidance. I have felt part of a family and learned more then I could possible write down here. The waves of happiness at returning home are followed by waves of sorrow for leaving. It has been a while since I have felt anything this completely. I met Benji at 1pm. It was not to bad. Of all the people, I have ever known he has the most sincere and devoted heart by 10x. That kind of dedication gets people to the Olympics (which is going on in Athens Greece at the moment) if they let it.

P.S. I have learned to love Hindi music with a passion...Im not as found of the traditional songs but Hindi Pop has a sort of sappy livliness that I can not resist. Bhangra is a popular type of dance music in Punjab and I have learned to appriciate that as well. Sikhs tend to listen to Bhangra which is also a type of dance. When women dance it it is called Gita. I love it! Some of my favorite albums are Murder, Kal Hona Ho, Bhangra Top (punjabi dance music) and above all Lakshya...

Heaven As Seen Through Insanity

Heaven Might Incluude....

• 
  Beautiful (body, soul and heart), tall, strong, Punjabi, Sikh w/big, kind, brown eyes complete with dark lashes, a smile that is kind and full of warmth, humor and kindness
• A crystal above the sink
• 
  A garden with veggies, flowers (blue bells, roses, lavender, poppies, snap dragons, willow trees, maples, daffodils, wild roses, tulips, and moss)
• A pond w/gold fish, lilies, lotuses also a crystal clear lake with a water fall for Travis to swim in
• Fields full of daisies (red tipped), wild flowers, no fences, a natural valley/rolling hills
  The 3 Sisters mountains
• Squirrels, finches, chipmunks, frogs, mushrooms (fairy circles), bumble bees, banana slugs, salamanders, butterfly’s, lady bugs, daddy long legs, Gardner snakes, and few wild rabbits, eagles and moose
• A cow named Lu Lu Bell with a big bell around her neck and a huge chestnut gelding named Teddy (Goldy and Flaxen too)
• Complete fulfillment and love between my Sikh boy and me
• Strawberries fresh from the garden and cream
• An orchard with cherries, plums, apples, peaches, and wild blackberries in the woods
• Loki Travis and Mom
• Music
• Crackling fires and soft, fluffy blankets
• Clean air and water
• Hugz and conversation
• Love, magic, hope and adventure
  

Improvments, Appriciation And True Love

My washing buddy

Feeling better today. Oh My GOD! I almost forgot what living without a fever is like. It sure makes work more rewarding when I am not throwing up or fainting very 10 minutes. Anyways, I have found the one. Yep, he is the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Tall, Punjabi, Sikh, with amazing brown eyes, long dark lashes, skin like toffee, broad shoulders, strong build, curly black beard and a smile that glows with a warmth that makes me almost believe in life again. He simply radiates integrity, confidence, compassion and kindness and his name is Jasvindar. I do not care if we ever meet again; I have sat in the same car as the man of my dreams and that is more then most people in the world can say. He is our driver from work everyday. Our eyes meet in the mirror once in the while because I cannot help but look at his. They are like a giraffes eyes, big, brown, with long lashes, and overflowing with warmth. As we were driving back to the flat I started thinking about heaven…well Ill talk about that later. What else? There is this American Indian (not native American) that is a total bitch (for lack of a better word). God! He is the backstabbing type but hell I’m so far from perfect who am I to criticize? The other volunteers went to dinner last tonight. I was not invited of course. Today at work was uneventful. A lady who I have come to like took up most of my time there. She weighs about 80lbs. Moreover, her arms and hands are shriveled up and almost completely useless. I sit by her almost day while she sobs and cries and tells me her life story. I wish I could understand her because she sure does have something to say, unfortunately she says it in Hindi so I do not have a clue. I love these people. They do not judge me, they do not stare, and they do not critisize. Maybe it is bacause they are so wrapped up in their own suffering that they can not focuse enough on me to judg but it sure is nice to be accepted and appriciated. They hug me and hold my hands and rub my arms if I let them. Some are completly unaware of course but most of them are wonderful in their own ways. I am sure lucky. People could learn a lot from the dying and destitute. Love for one thing.

Indian History

Ghandi memorial
Click on the photo for more info. about Ghandis life and works

Waiting For Ajay

I have gotten behind in my journal entrees, yes; I have lost a few days. I have been one day behind for the last week and writing what happened the day after it has happened. They are all pretty much the same; fever, no sleep, mosquitoes and all in all hell. Oh, except Saturday when Benji showed up and just about sucked every drop of energy out of me. I was supposed to meet Ajay (a pen pal I have had for a few years) at the main gate of Hauz Khas. I am sitting here at a café across the street (coffee Barista) watching for him and am writing in my journal to look busy. The smell of disinfectant and urine at work has started making me dizzy and nauseous but it is starting to work a little better. Damn, Ajay did not show up. I have a meeting at the CCS office at 5pm about Indian History or some such thing. I am starting to get sick of Pizza Hut and Indian food has become revolting to me. What shall I do for food? McDonalds? NO! Starvation first. Okay, I am going to call mom for some moral support and search for a blue shirted guy with black hair and tan skin. Unfortunately, every guy around here fits that description. LATER Never found.

Strange Habits Of India

These are some differences I noticed between the Americans and Indians.

• People want to take photos of you and with you because you are white
• They ask very direct questions and make direct comments: You are fat! Have you had sex? How much money do you make? Your stupid!
• They wiggle their pinky finger when they need to pee
• The head wobble means yes and no
• There are very few slogans on tee shirts
• NO floss anywhere!
• Men are very intemate with eachother
• Men pee everywhere
• No paper bags at stores

Click here for do's and don'ts of India

Better

Felt better today although I was covered in sweat all morning and I had a few more sores in my mouth. The one the size of Texas is feeling better so thats nice. Work went well today. I went to my first Catholic Mass which was beautiful (although the up and down deal was a bit exausting for me in my present state). Up and down up and down prais god up and down....*sigh*

Sick Among The Sick

Anyways, I did not work today. I lay helplessly strewn on the coach with a bed sheet wrapped around me as a skirt wishing I were home. I feel like hell and every piece of clothing I own smells like rotten eggs, urine and sweat. When I have given my cloths to washer daubis they never seem to return in one piece (f at all) so I have taken to washing them myself (when our flat is not out of water which is about 3 days a week). Yesterday, after nearly vomiting several times while washing the women, I was ushered to a corner bed and soon slipped into unconsciousness. I woke up 3 hours later when they woke me up to go home. The office called me and Joggy got on the line in an extremely professional and polite voice that scared me. Had someone died? I was handed the phone and to my surprise, Benjis voice came on the line. The little guy had called my mother and heard that I was sick and had gotten worried. That guy has a heart that is stronger and bigger then anyone in the world. Gobd be kind to him. I hit him countless times in my attempt to get some personal space but he only raised a hand to me once. Anyways, he told me to take care of myself and that he was concerned. I lied and said I was fine. Joggy got back on the phone and said I need to come to the office. Great, what have I done? The van came over to pick me up and took me to the CCS office. I sat through 10 minutes of lecturing from Bela and Joggi. Joggi was okay but Bela pissed me off…way to overbearing and “I’m better then you” attitude. The two problems were that I had missed two lectures at the office and that I must go to the doctor. I have been sick as a dog, laying in bed frying to death and being eaten by clouds of starving mosquitoes, what do they expect? Going to the doctor, I could not argue with and we went. The MAX hospital only took 24$ and 1 hour to complete a check up, give me 4 bottles of pills and test me for typhoid and a urinary track infection. Everyone keeps asking what has happened to me? What is wrong? Am I having family difficulties? No idiot! I am dieing, do they expect me to be miss social butterfly feeling like this?! Jesus.

Death

A fellow volunteer powdering the face of a patient

Work went well. We made the beds and helped bath the patience that could not bath them. During lunch, I helped feed some of the more mentally challenged of the patiences. We also brought nail polish and cookies for the women. They loved it! The picture above is of one of my fellow volunteers powdering the face of an old woman who used to be a nurse at the hospital. She has five children and yet none of them have taken her on so she lives here. She is the only woman who speaks English but her mind is going fast and she goes in and out of reality. It is hard to talk to the patiences because they keep on begging us to take them home. On of the men that helped us with the washing died last nigh so some of women are a little down.
On our drive back from the hospital today a man was struck down by a car infront of us. He flew about 10 feet and slammed against the pavment in an alarmingly aqward angle. I will never know his condition because our jerk of driver did not stop, nobody did. The cars flowed around him like water and not a single person seemed to give a damn about his fait. The van that hit him did not stop, we did not stop, the cars around him did not stop, it was horrible. They actually seemed to speed up as they went buy as if afraid to get involved. If our driver would not stop, an employee of a charity oragnization, who would? I was outraged and my eyes filled up with tears. That man could have been someones father or someones husband, that man could have been me. God, what a crual society.

Womens Issues-Jagori

Jagori Poster

Click here to read my Essay On Womens Issues In India. This was written from notes we talked about today from a lecture on womens rights whcih was part of our perspective programin. A women from Indias leading womens rights groups Jagori cam and talked to us for about two hours and I found it both fascinating and deeply disturbing. Basically, India is a sexist, racist and violent country that is simulataniously inmproving and getting worse year by year. Indian men are pigs and women and women have the choice to be quiet and thus, support their husbands or take the chance of being beaten or killed. For more information about Jagori click on the picture above.

Missionaries Of Charity-The Mother Teresa Home For The Destitute And Dying

Patience and volunteers at Missionaries Of Charity Hospital

The next morning 4 volunteers (3 girls and a boy) and I left to start our work at the Missionaries Of Charity (MTC) home for the destitute and dying which was founded by Mother Teresa. The conditions and the patients were in a much better state then I had expected. If I felt a little better, I would really have enjoyed it. There are around 150-200 women and the same amount of men in the hospital. All the female workers help with the women wile the male volunteer is with the men. The first day was spent washing cloths and helping to wring them out. They wash their cloths in giant concrete bats full of water and it is all done by hand. Many of the patients do not have bladder or bowl control so it is a very intense job. Most of the women have something like downs syndrome or brain injuries from illness or car accidents. A few of the patients are old or seriously ill with tuberculosis or cancer. Other have amputated limbs, hearing or sight problems, or simply have nowhere else to go.

A Nightmare In Heaven August 14-15

Benjamin and I at dinner

have agreed to go to a town few hours away-called Mt. Abu that I have heard is nice and hopefully, things might start looking up there. LATER we have arrived for Mt. Abu. I do not like this place one bit. Of course other people had different experiances, so it may have been my state of mind. I think I was thinking of a place called Mt. Mandu. Damn. The 4-hour bus trip from Udaipur was nice though. Mt. Abu itself is rather disreputable feeling and there is not a foreigner to be seen around here, which is very unsettling. There is a notable number of men who are walking crooked, perhaps a drinking hub? NOTE Watching cable now. Thank god for TV, it helps me relax. The American movies here are horrible and I have resorted to National Geographic for entertainment. We are staying in Hotel Lake View. The staff here are unreal. I swear they come in every 5 minutes on the dot for something. It is a very annoying habit; all I want to do is become unconscious for a few days. They have knocked 11 times since I have been here and it is only the first 2 hours I have occupied the room. The whole atmosphere of the place is almost desperate. No more fighting, Benji is easier to deal with now. Men seem to flock around me here like buzzards and the abundance of alcohol makes them very menacing. Benji seems serious and yelled at me, which made me burst into tears. India sure does bring out the emotions. I have never cried so much in my life. If you have ever taken a non-AC bus through Rajastan for 20 hours in mid August with a bladder infection and constant nausea, you know how much it sucks. After getting a bus 1 day later then I had hoped, we finally arrived in Delhi. The whole trip was a waste of money and time but Benji seems happy enough. At least someone had fun. In Delhi, I went straight to Hauz Khaus, found an empty bed and crashed. The next day Joggy and Bela (The head honcho of CCS) came over. They were pissed because I was a day late but after what I have been through, I could care less. I am just glade I am alive. Screw them, after what I have paid they can afford some sympathy.

Here And There August 12-13

Udaipur

My second attempt at solo travel, Udaipur, the most romantic and classically beautiful city I’ve seen in India visited in India. Although I am feeling a bit run down, I can’t help but appriciate it’s beauty …would like to return someday. Nearly all of its 6$ hotels have beautiful views of the lake palace and the rooftop restaurants are wonderful places to relax with a lassi and soak up the beautiful surroundings. The view from my hotel room was of the Lake Palace Hotel, the main tourist attraction of the city. We did not go there but we did go to the City Palace (for photoe click here) was nice. The museums were also well kept up for India and I enjoyed walking around them. The Monsoon Palace was built on a hill a few miles out of town. We went up there but it was freezing and it was not very spectacular. The best point about the place was the view that would have been lovely if it was not for the rain.

Me In My Hotel In Udaipur

This is me in my hotel in Udaipur!

Udaipur August 10-15 Flashback

The view from my hotel room, the Lake Palace

Okay, what happened over the past week will fill a few pages. The worst week I have spent in India was oddly in one of the most romantic and beautiful cities that I have ever visited. I foolishly met Benji before leaving Udaipur and he somehow convinced me to let him tag along. I think he convinced me so easily because I was a little shaken up from the New City Palace experience and the prospect of spending a week alone again was rather daunting. Benjamin’s landlords are very nice, kind people; the kind that I had hoped to find here. They are simple and friendly with an open curiosity that I love. I liked Mohit (Benjis roommate). He was mature, polite and did not talk much. Puru (Mohits best friend) seemed nice but I get the feeling he ahs less integrity. The landlord’s brother’s wife (little aunty) made me a sari free out of some red and gold fabric. I was really touched by her. I wish I could meet and spend more time with the women of India and the families here. The sari did not fit very well but the thought was very sweet. In an attempt to save money, Benji exchanged the first class ticket I bought for second class ticked (bad idea) and we were on our way that night at around 8pm. The train was horrible or rather; the men on the train were horrible. I seriously felt in danger just going to the bathroom. There were about six men in our compartment. When Benji asked for a seat by the window, two of the men (both very large and very Muslim) blew up. The gist of the conversation was “go back to own country”. They yelled at Benjamin for breaking their culture by talking to a foreigner and that foreigners were immoral with no idea of Indian culture and should all be wiped off the face of the planet. One actually grabbed Benjis face. It scared me to death. Before the attack, I was attempting to explain that the Hippie movement originally developed to encourage peace and to stop the Vietnam War as well as to gain equal rights for women and minorities. Many Indians hate hippies and many hippies in India give them good reason to. They take drugs; have sex and party, which is not a good way to represent our country abroad. Anyways, I was explaining all this to him and the men, being of limited English skills, seemed to get the idea that I thought sex and drugs were a good thing. After yelling for a few minutes, the bigger of the two men abruptly left. I cried for the next 20 minutes and then crawled on the top bunk (about 12inch from bed to roof) and curled up with my bad. The men were gone by the time I woke up. The next morning an old, decrepit, toothless man sat with us and restored some (not all) of my faith in the human race. From the looks of him, he was a beggar but he was not. The man had 2 degrees and knew English (which I could not understand because of his lack of teeth). He was a Muslim and one of the sanest and most good-natured people I have ever met. He was the way I had expected Muslims to be. The train had about 2in. of water on its floor and it rattled ominously but we finally made it to Udaipur around 5pm. We were greeted at the station by sheets and sheets of rain that stayed with us most of our stay there. Twenty rupees seems to be the price for just about anywhere in Udaipur so we got a rickshaw and were whisked away to the Lal Ghat Guest House which is where we spent the next 3 hellish days. The guesthouse was nice enough but the lack of a TV was a pain in the butt. I shed tears, sweat and blood in that room and I felt as if I was somewhere between the afterlife and earth the entire time I was there. Those nights were possibly the worst nights of my life. I do not want to talk about it. I hate being smothered. I hate being controlled. I hate not having any time alone. AHHHHH! Okay, that is all I will say about it. We walked around the city the next day. Udaipur is beautiful and peaceful.

By The Grace Of God Go I (and God indeed has boundless grace!)

Writting in my diary in Benji's flat

Men! Yuk.... Talk about slimy creeps, I just had an experience with one. Last night was the worst hotel experience I have ever had. I think my faith in men is almost completely dead. I was talking to the waiter and actually having a half way decent conversation for a change. I was starting to think he was actually a nice guy who wanted to talk. Foolish me. He said he wanted to show me a great view of the Mosque and so I agreed to join him on the roof (big warning sign...never go on the roof!). Okay so I go and sit by the edge and watch the view (truly amazing). I was quiet happily observing the huge domes and lights coming from the mosque when I turned to look at my "friend". First, let me explain that the reason I took the chance of being alone with this guy is because he was only about 5ft tall. That is a 10-inch hight difference! Therefore, if he tried anything I could easily fend him off. Anyways, this little guy starts to undo his belt and then lunges at me with his mouth wide open like a starving dog that has not eaten in a month. I would have been afraid but he was so little I almost laughed. He obviously had no idea what romance was and even if I were one of those "loose" Americans, he would not have won me over with that. It was pathetic and a little scary at the same time. Rape, it is a real possibility here. I was shocked. You know the scary thing is I did not get that angry with him. I am to damn polite. I mean that, if I do not get a grip, it will kill me. The little guy smashed his face against me before I could come to my senses. I had to literally hold his head back. Truly, it was the worst experience with a guy that I have ever had in my life. Grope, smash, hump, yuk! If they are obsessed with sex they might as well learn to be romantic. I think the Italians have the idea. They may be into all of that but at least they know how to do it well. I went back to my room. At 2 am, someone knocked but I did not open the door. At 7am, someone knocked and I thought it was my room service order so I opened it. Raj! After a few seconds struggle I pushed him out enough to shut the door. I lay in bed for hours before I got up enough courage to venture out into the street. Thank God, I do not live in a Muslim country! It is unbelievable that people choose to impose such limitations and oppression upon themselves. I am in the CCS office now waiting for the travel agent who is coming to give me my train tickets to Udaipur. LATER Dealt with the tickets-he will bring them by tomorrow cuz he brought two instead of one by mistake. I am waiting for Benji. He probably wont show up but , I have missed the little guy. Bless his psycho heart, no wonder he is insane living in this country. My standards for guys have sure dropped. If they do not kill me or insult me I feel like hugging them, I am so grateful. I really care about him. He insisted I stay with him and his roommates in his flat. I am actually glade about it. I think I would die if I stayed in that hotel one more night and I am pretty sure Benji wont kill me. Benji is the most honest and unpretentious guy I have met here. In America, they would lock him away but here he is nice to have around. I hope his life turnes out all right. I could not stand it if he got hurt. He is so little and innocent in some ways. I wish he could see life in America; it would change his whole world.

A BAD Hotel With A Great View-The New City Palace

Old Delhi near Jamma Masjuid
Click the picture above for more info. about Islamic heritage

Damn it, I just spent the last hour writing a 4 page email and my god damn stupid &*$%ing computer crashed….AHHHHH! Okay…start again…(breath in…breath out) So what did I write before? Ah…. I moved out of the CCS flats yesterday and did a real stupid thing…I got a cheap hotel room right next to the mosque in old Delhi….It is the Islamic area of Delhi and the streets are swarming with muslims. I love hearing the call to prayer (Allahu Akbar) every few times and I find Islam a fascinating religion. I have read the Quran and have a pretty good understand of Islam compaired to most. Even with my interest in Islam I feel like I am in hostile territory. I don’t go outside much. I only am there for 1 more night before I head off to Udaipur so it will be all right.

I had rather a disillusioning night last night. The one thing that seriously bugs me about the people (men) here is that they are so friendly but its usually just cuz they wanna sleep with you or get you to buy something which sucks cuz I want to have a real conversation once in a while without any expectations or pressure behind it. Last night I went to the rooftop restaurant on my hotel and the waiter struck up a conversation I thought. We talked for about an hour with no mention of sex and I thought great, finally a guy who has an honest desire to be friends and learn about American culture. He then invited me to the roof to look at the mosque which sounded kool so I went, the second we got in the lunged at me like a starving bear (a 4’11ft bear) and started shedding the layers like he was in the strip Olympics…I would have been scared if he wasn’t so ridiculously short. I removed myself from the kitchen and stayed in my hotel room till 1pm the today. Why sex? Of all the things in the world, this amazing world, why sex? A rat can do it. I don’t get it. Humanity is so amazing, the world is incredible, and the universe is full of unimaginable beauty yet half the people in this country cant get past what’s in their pants! Common, it’s really depressing. I’m hoping Udaipur will give me some time to relax. *sigh * So I better go and pick up my tickets, the travel agent should be here soon and I don’t wanna drive through old Delhi at night. You know what’s weird I absolutely love India. For all its craziness I love it. My room at the hotel has much to be desired, 10x10 with 3 beds put together (you do the math), a TV that has the worst American movies ever made (such as Breast Men…the history of silicon and Battle Monks) and sheets to whom whiteness is but a distant memory. The room does have 3 qualities however that somewhat redeem it from the never return category. First of all its about 10$ a night which isn’t half bad, secondly it has an amazing view of the mosque and thirdly, it is the perfect place to people watch. The streets in India are so full of life. In the half a block I can see from my window I can watch the daily routines of around 5 families who do almost everything on the street. They work, play, eat, shower sleep, argue, smoke, live,” enjoy”, you name it…they do it all right on the sidewalk. Its great to be able to watch without being seen (did you ever realize people almost never look up?) and to have a perfect view of what is like for India’s homeless. Shoot…travel agents probably there….ahh..better run…write again soon…..byeee

Agra

Me on the "Princess Diana chair"

Okay, have to catch up on a few days. After some confusion over the trip, home we finally headed "home". Driving at night through Punjab was interesting. I loved being able to watch the daily lives of people out the window. I swear, about five TATA trucks that had been rolled over, smashed, or flipped on the road but there was not a hijacker in sight, which was nice. They say the monsoon has hit but for the life of me, I could not find a flooded road or a drop of rain anywhere. After spending the night in Hauz Khaus a group of us volunteers took a 3-hour drive to the dirty, rather slummy town of Agra to see the Taj Mahal. The drive was more or less a constant stream of slums, people and a random scattering of camels, ox carts and bears (yes, I said bears). As you have probably heard the Taj Mahaul was built for love and yes indeed, it is a sight. The marble work is unsurpassed and the beauty of the surroundings is undeniable. Never the less, the 120-degree heat made it hard to reval in awe and wonder for more then a few seconds. After a few moments of staring reverently at the place your mind was brought back to earth by the fact that your feet were slowly frying on the intricately designed marble steps and the gallons of sweat that were pouring down your face was making it hard to see. Despite this, it was an inspirationally magical place and I would definitely recommend anyone going…. once. I had expected that it would be bigger inside. The outside promised of lavish rooms and beautifully decorated halls but there were non-to be found. There was a medium sized mosque to the right and a tomb or building of some sort on the other. To the back of the Taj was a beautiful view of a river; although it was mostly dry by the time I saw it. Our guides name was Raj (I think he just said that so we could pronounce it alright because just about every guide seemed to be named Raj). He was a stone and jewel designer; smooth slick sales guy type who would not hesitate to rip you off if given the opportunity. Agra itself was certainly not my favorite city. LATER I just have one more day before I am off to Jaipur for 4 days and then I will be starting my final leg of my work with CCS in Delhi. I will sure miss this place. This evening I left Huaz Khaus for a rather mediocre hotel (The New City Palace) in old Delhi near Jama Masjid. I have a feeling this was a bad idea. I have a filthy bed with a broken air conditioner and bad TV reception for just 350Rs. Pulse it is in the heart of Muslim land to boot. Smart one Monet. The room does have an excellent view so I guess that is worth something. I have sat most of the say looking down from my window at the people below. Its funny how no one ever seems to look up. Well that is all for now. Byee

Pakistani Border

The Pakistan Border

Punjab

The Golden Temple

It is about 6:30am and I have already had the most amazing experience in Ameritsar. The group got up at around 3am and drove to the Golden Temple…a 10-minute drive from our hotel. The Golden Temple is the Mecca for the Sikh religion. Sikhs form the majority in Punjab. This temple is the largest and most important center for the Sikh people in the world and it is an amazing place indeed. As we drew close to the temple the sounds of worship songs and drumming filled the air with an almost magic beat. Before entering the main worship area, we removed our shoes and covered our heads (guys too). The first glimpse inside the temple was breath taking. A huge marble courtyard with a small lake in the center and two long walkways leading into a sculpted room plated with gold in the center of the lake which contained musicians seated on cushions. The music was live and blared from several huge speakers surrounding the temple. I think the atmosphere of a mosque must be similar to that of the Golden Temple. There were hundreds of men, women and children, heads shrouded in turbans and duppattas, praying, sleeping, bathing, and worshiping. I felt almost ashamed to be there because I was so obviously out of place. In spit of my misgivings, everyone seemed to accept my presence well enough.I didn’t feel comfortable taking pictures there but I found these on the internet, I hope they give you an idea of the beauty and magic of the place.
Some of the other volunteers (namely an young Indian American brat named Raj) were completely disrespectful and insensitive. I could have strangled him. Taking photos of worshipers, talking and telling a Sikh man to move over so he could sit his fat a** down next to his friends…the disrespect of it made me cringe. At that point, I left the central temple and passed a thrown held by several men on my way out. Placed upon the thrown was the Guru Granth Sahib (the Sikh holy book), which contains the teachings of their 10 gurus (teachers). I walked to the front of the lake and sat on a marble ledge that surrounds the water, absorbing the atmosphere and watching the ceremony in peace. It was so beautiful to sit on the shores of that holy lake and watch all the people praying and walking through the golden plated structure that glowed like a shining star in the center of the water while the moon shone serenely overhead and the stars reflected in the water. When we left, the temple, I began to look more deeply at the people around me. Punjabi guys are sure good looking relative to other Indian men and they have something that resembles manners. They are tall, strong and dark with serious faces and slightly slanted eyes with an upright poster that gives them an air of authority. The Punjabi culture is intriguing and I wish that I had more time to learn about these people who worship so beautifully. If I ever married an Indian, it would be a Punjabi. I have finished my two pineapple juices that I had for breakfast and everyone else has been asleep for hours so I guess I will hit the sack. LATER All hell has broken loose with the group. Apparently, none of the trains are running due to flooding on the tracks around Chandigar so the plan is to take sumo cars back to Delhi by the cover of night. Before we head back, we will go see the changing of the guard at the Pakistani border at around 6PM. Everyone is a little panicked because we are going to have to drive through Chandigar. Chandigar is the location of a resent bus hijacking that occurred in an attempt to encourage the U.S. and Indian govt. to make a deal with Iraq about two Indian truck drivers being held hostage there (or so the story goes). I hope that it will turn out all right. I am a little angry with Joggi for demanding that I return to Delhi instead of hanging out in Punjab but he may be right, there is an air of tension about. This afternoon we went to a Hindu temple. It was all right but the Golden Temple would be impossible to beat for beauty and atmosphere. I witnessed an older man literally kicking the sh** out of a little half dead puppy covered in sores and mange. The wretched creature kept screaming in pain and the bastard that was kicking him actually laughed. It made me sick. The whole scene put me off the place. Although the Hindu temple was nice, I still felt like I should not be there and was somehow insulting to the people there. Anyways, I can feel Pakistan. Maybe that is what the tense feeling is in the air. It is like a giant hostile beast, laying in wait, ready to explode in violent aggression and blood shed at any moment. Islam is looming just over the hill with all its hatred and oppressive violence. Terrorism does indeed suck. Besides, the fact that it undermines the sensation of well being and overall assurance of safety we American take for granted and costs thousands of lives-it is damned inconvenient. You cannot trust anyone; you cannot go where you like or when you like. It is so restricting. I cannot imagine how people in Palestine or Israel have kept it up for so long. Fear is its fuel and it is not a foundationless fear by any means. The good thing about the hijacking is they are every unlikely to kill us since they already have a busload of foreign hostages. Rape and uncomfortable/unfriendly conditions are more likely. I hope that we wont have to deal with that. Wow, Punjabi guys are cute. The guy cleaning the room looks like a model. Tall, dark, lean with a muscular build and at least the ability to pretend he has manners. I hope you do not get the impression I am guy crazy. But when you are in India a guy who is tall and has manners is almost as shocking as meeting a hot pink talking monkey from Venus in Bend…so I can’t help but notice. Well, most people decided to fly back to Delhi but me and a few others are taking a chance and going in a car. All I have seen in the papers about Delhi over the past few days is floods, drowning and other unpleasant watery things. In other words, monsoon has hit with full force (according to the news paper). Hot as hell and 3 feet of water to boot..can’t be that bad right? I wish I could get into the heart of Islam, meet its people and truly understand their culture without having a 90% chance of being raped, bombed or stoned to death. It’s an interesting culture. I love the feel of ancient religion (even though Sikhism is not that old) in the Golden Temple. Mecca must be truly amazing during the Hajj. I cannot imagine how intense that would be. Maybe somehow I will experience it someday. That is all to report now. Better, go or I wont be able to stop gawking at that guy. India must be rubbing off; I am starting to stare at white people and handsome devils the same way as Indians do.

Last Day Of Camp

The kids waving goodbye

Last day of camp today. It was sad. I was really getting attached to the whole motley crew. We had races most of the time and gave away candy and pens to everyone. The older girls turned out to be my favorite although the little salesmen (the 7th grad boys) in the making were starting to get to me as well. The staff was hard to leave and the volunteers that came with me from Rajgarh too. The drive to Ameritsar from Dharmshala took about 5 hours and was beautiful. Punjab seems to be very clean, developed and oriented toward agriculture. The state is to be doing very well for itself. Several stores are American quality and hold international brands like Sony and Baby Fashion. The hotel we are staying in (Royal Castle Hotel) is deluxe (for India) with a doorman and plus sheets that are more on the white side then any I have seen in India before. Very spendy but better then finding a place to stay myself. We are getting up at 3am to see the changing of the guards at the Pakistani border so I am off to sleep. P.S. I had a REAL shower tonight….heaven…sheer heaven!

Landscapes

Prayer wheels at a temple in Macloed Ganj


Okay-blew the last of my money today at McLoed Ganj on a necklace for mom, and some bangals. Camp was fun but I did not do too much. It was raining and most of the times I just sat with some of the older girls and watched the boys play basketball and cricket. Some of the older boys tried to come over and talk but
Vickie (lil Sikh guy) told them to bug off. After getting back to the flats, I ate three cookies complete with peanut butter and went to McLoed Ganj. I am with the evening group now, which is a joke. The older kids are having a meeting and the younger ones are drawing. I just finished playing speed with Vickie (I won twice!). Not much of anything to write about. We are leaving for Ameritsar tomorrow 2:30pm and we will stay there for about 2 days. I figure being close to a country full of hostile Muslims is better then being immersed in a city full of hostile Indians. Wow, I can actually see the sky today. It is the first time I have seen blue since I have come here. You can see houses scattered through the valley and perched amongst the trees on the gently slopping hills around us. Whisks of clouds are drifting across the landscape and the green tops of hills are enshrined in white mist. I catch on occasional glimpse of brightly colored Saris making their way up the closest slopes, presumably on their way to the small Hindu shrine at the temple, dedicated to one Hindu God or another of the Gods, about half way up the hill. Well, the smells of our farewell dinner are wafting out from the kitchen so I wills sign off now. I cannot believe I only have one month left. I can almost feel time slipping past me…. anyhow, c ya

Manali Phesant

Women washing cloths in the river on the way to cummer camp

Not to eventful so far. Camp went excellently. Kevin (an obscenely rich and endearingly nice fellow who’s family owns dairy queen or some such company) gave the kids an "Earth Day" in an attempt to make them more aware of the environment. The children picked up garbage, had an environmental poster contest and listened to a lecture about the importance of keeping our communities clean. One of the oldest girls taught me a clapping game which was a blast. They tried to confiscate one of my attempts at art, which resulted in me lurching about the schoolyard and looking like of the Red Sox, sliding into third base at about 100 miles per hour and taking several children with me into the mud. With all that effort they managed to steal my poster anyways, uh.... kids can make you feel old can't that? I cam back and went to my new found haven.... a soft blanket I bought from a monk/sales man in McLeod Ganj for 200 rupees. I never thought a blanket could bring so much happiness but man, it sure is satisfying to pull it over my head and drift off into nothingness for a while. Next week is an unknown. I do not feel like dieing now but the temptation of going to Kashmir is definitely alluring. Perhaps Ameritsar, but the Pakistani border is not exactly the neutral zone either. Hmm. I could always go with Benji to West Bengal but from what I have heard, it is a lawless, impoverished and corrupt state and some how it seems like a place to miss. LATER Just finished watching a really sweet skit done by the older kids from evening group about trash and the need to protect the environment. It was a definite step toward awareness and some of the children’s parents came which was really exciting. It makes me think there might be some small hope for these kids. If they can understand and continue what they have learned here...they may just make an impact on India as adults. How exciting is that! Benjamin sure can be a prick. It is nice to have someone I know here but god he is hard to be patient with. Ahhh my legs are having some problems. They seem to fall asleep a lot and one went completely dead for about 5 minutes today at the Manali Phesant that resulted in a lurching exit and a near fall on the street. Another troubling thing is my lungs, I can't seem to breath anymore without putting conscious effort into the task. India sure is hard on the body.

Lazy Day Of Wasting Money

Tibetan Beads

Sitting at Macloed Ganj in a little restaurant at top end of the market awaiting steamed chicken mo mo's and a cold coffee. the waiters are actually kind of sweet. The night went fairly well although the hotel sure did suck. The cable was distracting if not entertaining. The room was at the end of a long hallway, which seemed to funnel every noise in the building into my room. I swear I could here people’s footsteps on the floor above me as clear as if it had been inchs away from my ears. I kept hearing this scrapping and tapping. I finally located the culprit. It was a man brushing off his shoes two stories below on the street! I could here the clatters and splashes of people taking bucket baths in the other rooms and the slap slap slap of someone making chapatti in the kitchen. When I ordered chicken fried rice I was told sternly that they only served VEG food although half the menu was chicken and mutton and when I ordered hot chocolate I was told in a "are you stupid or something?!" voice that they did not serve it. Why they had it on their hotel menu remains a mystery. I lay in bed (shivering slightly) watching "40 days and 40 nights” and trying to ignore the chorus of noises resounding from the each side of my room. I soon curled up into a ball an prepared to drift into a blissful slumber when I noticed that a multi legged, 4 inch long creature was sharing the pillow with me. . After sending my friend on a trip to the sewers I returned to bed, watching the worst the American movie industry had to offer untill the early hours of the morning. All this for 555Rs! India-what a country. I finally got up the never to shop, blowing several hundred on beads, jewelry and junk. I didn't bargain once which seems rather odd but somehow it didn't seem like the way to go with these merchants. My favorite purchase was a silver Tibetan bracelets and a turquoise pendant for mom. No sleazy guys, no hassle, and the beggars weren’t all that bad. Life is good. I almost feel invisible. I also met a nice guy today at the Kashmir Indian Gifts And Arts Emporium. Of course he just wanted to sell stuff but he was nice about it. LATER Jeff (Buddhist wannabee) is a sweetheart. I went with him to his hotel right next to the Dalai Lamas residence and he shower me the temple there and the room he stayed in. Wow-money sure does make a difference. It was one of those hotels that have theme rooms and deluxe waiting rooms...the whole shebang. Hey, did I mention my theory about American food consumption? I think they (American corps.) are putting additives in our food to make us hungry and thus, obese. Seriously! I eat half as much here as I do in America. Anyways, it is something to look into when I get back. Mass MSG production? The Manali waiter just might have to wait on our meeting. I don't think I will be able to make it today because it is pouring rain. Knowing Indians, he probably wouldn't show up anyways. LATER Ahhh...I went to the Manali and I am stuffed! Lets see, Wednesday we are going to Amritsar for two days before heading back to Delhi. Maybe it’s the fact that you fry in pollution and the filth constantly permeates your every pore that’s Delhi hard to take, or maybe it’s just the intensity of it all. I am in one of those places where it is important to look busy and I can't think of anything to write. Hmm, 45 minutes to go. Why do I get myself into these situations? I really scare myself sometimes. It is like there is a wiser, bigger me who watches in terror at what stupid things the physical side of me does. I wonder if that’s my soul? I will go somewhere and know full well that it’s a bad idea but some how that idea does not translate into action. It is actually like a generally feeling of doom rather then a thought. Ugh, old men with no manners is revolting....YUK! Oh my god they just brought me like 10lbs of rice...I’m going to die! Wow, the waiter here isn’t a sleaze. He actually left me alone. To bad all the nice guys around here are shy as mice. This rice is about 50% salt... must have changed cooks. The meal from hell continues.....with lukewarm milk to pass as coffee, my salty rice and my waiters hacking as if they are on their death beds (you know that flemmy sick sounding hack people do when they are dying) this meal is working out just great. My waiter has vanished (the one I am eating this for). I hate it when I can't think of anything to say to people...it’s so awkward. The secret to journaling is taking it with you everywhere, especially when you eat alone. It will not only make you remember to write, it will also save you from awkward pauses in conversation. It is sort of like a third dinner guest.