Friday, July 30, 2004

Ugh

I feel like shit. Didn't do much today after camp (or before camp for that matter). Almost everyone has left for Amritsar or another town because it is our free weekend. I probably wont do much judging by the way I feel and being "out of the fold" the way I am. The staff has been nice to me today that made me feel better. I will try the trek to the ATM tomorrow and maybe go shopping in Macloed Ganj if I can muster up the energy.

Unrequired Things

Things You Must Have In Order To Survive India
  • Music
  • Food And Water
  • Bug Repellent
  • A freind
  • A book
  • Rin (soap) and brush
  • 1 pair of sandles
  • Smiles from people
  • Medication
  • Toothpaste
  • Saftey
  • Somewhere safe to call home
  • Air conditioning
  • Apple juice
  • A bag and blanket
  • Somewhere to hide

Things That Are Unessisary For Happiness

  • Toilet paper or toilet
  • Silverware
  • A car
  • TV
  • A mattress
  • A phone or computer
  • Jewlery
  • Makeup
  • Chairs or Tables
  • Electricity
  • Sugar
  • Socks


Thursday, July 29, 2004

Bad Boys


The cricket boys-a real handfull

The day kicked off sort of badly but it ended up all right in the end. The older boys at camp were being complete jerks. The kids were great as usual but guys, what a pain. We did paper mishae, which turned out to be a real mess, but the kids enjoyed it. I am not sure if the balloons will work. We covered them with newspaper and flower mixed with water instead of glue (teaching them to be creative with the resources they already have). I am starting to connect with the older girls. It is nice because they have a very strong sisterhood among them…something I have not been a part of much in India so far. The girls know how to deal with the guys and seem to agree completely that they are sleazy. The older boys came to hang out today-apparently they were making fun of my accent cuz the girls kept getting mad at them-jerks. The oldest girl came from a public (which is actually private in India) school called The Sacred Hearts. She told me what they were saying and it really pissed me off. These guys were 18-19 and still had to come and take away from their younger brothers and educational time. Well, maybe it will keep them from trouble, but it is still annoying. Next time I will have to buck up and scold them for being so disrespectful. After getting my spirits knocked down from the boy ordeal and the fact that our taxi driver insinuated that I was sick in the head because I went barefoot and got wet in the rain when I played with the kids, I proceeded to trip and fall flat on my face while going back to my flat. All my school supplies scattered across the walk way and rolled down the hill I was walking up, my bags busting like bombs as they smacked into the pavement and my legs and palms took a thorough shredding. Lunch was rice and Dhal…. again. I slept for an hour or so and walked down to town. Guess who brightened my day? Benji! The little guy sure did make me feel better. It is to bad he can’t be more like that all of the time. . I had dinner at the Manali Pheasant again-very good. After I finished eating the waiter sat down and talked to me for about half an hour and he actually seemed like a decent guy. It was so nice to have someone to talk to! We agreed to meet again on Sunday and I told him I would show him my photo of my hometown. I got some nice shirts from the free box that I finally discovered in one of the other flats…I’m sooo excited about them! I talked to mom a long time, it was like a breath of fresh air to talk to someone who had a clue about where I was coming from…Vicky (lil Sikh boy) came today…glade to see him.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Good Day At Camp


My students at work on art projects

It was an average day. I didn’t check my email that was a first since I’ve been in Dhamrshala. Camp was productive in spit of the down pooring. I am starting to feel like I might actually be making a little bit of a difference to these kids. It sure is a great feeling! This camp is a great success and I love seeing the children (especially the girls) gain confidence and learn how to use their imagination to express their ideas. I think we really are making a positive impact on these kids. In the evening we went to a fort about half an hour away from the flat. It would have been even better with a buddy to hang out with. Have I mentioned the massive amounts of biting insects that there are here? They don’t seem to bother the Indians but they bite me all night long and leave big welts all over my legs. Bella (the CCS India head honcho) and Joggi had a meeting with us tonight and it really helped me to understand our goals and the reasons we do not bring more paper and pens to the camp…
Signing off

P.S. The fort was Congra Fort

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Just Another Rainy Day


Dharmshala landscape

Rained out again. I spent the night outside on the roof. Yep, I am going insane. I tossed half the time and settled down on the marble deck below the other half while it proceeded to drizzle constantly throughout the night. I wrote in my diary while I was sitting on the deck watching the clouds roll in. Gee Tu just announced school will proceed regardless of the rain, joy. I wish he was joking, it’s flooding here! It is only 8:30am so I guess we will still go. My partner is sick so I guess Ill be going it alone…LATER…The rest of the day went fairly well. We played sports and the kids seemed to have fun, which made me happy.


Monday, July 26, 2004

Cafe Notes

Wrote this while contemplating the purpose of life and waiting for my check.... which took 3 hours to get!


Statement of Intent

For the next year I will seek to discover what exactly I am living for. This is my mission. I will decide what my life purpose is and how I intend to carry it out. This is my goal.


I Want

A mission, a friend, excitement, adventure, romance, health and fitness, to make a difference, help my mother, travel, learn to read and write Hindi, graduate, understand myself clearly, to know God, strengthen my morals, deepen my character and create morals that are unshakable, dance, make lasting friendships, spend time in the mountains camping, raft, talk to people, listen whole heartedly, do not judge, feel beautiful, laugh, cry, make a positive difference, be a source of inspiration, be helpful, play, work, relax, be creative, sing, be selfless, love deeply and unconditionally, have integrity, live, feel, run, communicate, take Travis to the lake, try new things, dress well, spend quality time with people I care about, volunteer, be feminine, simplify, be musical, be colorful, read, be kind, pamper myself, vote, be real, write, have confidence, believe in myself, stand up for someone, , be involved. Get my nose pierced, do acts of random kindness, and have fun.

Rain Rain Plz Stay

It poured today so work was cancelled. Thank god! I am exhausted for no good reason. After crashing for a few hours I headed to town for the daily email pilgrimage which was rather a disappointment. Only 2 emails and no one was online to chat. I killed 2 hours there and had lunch at a dingy but quiet little restaurant called the Manali Pheasant. The chicken fried rice was good but I have had better cold coffee. The waiters were rather shy and not too pushy at all. The check took two hours to come and I had to request it 3 times (I am not joking)! It was actually good to have some time to write and chill. That’s about all I did today. Picked up some cloths last night…. 3 salwar suites for 350 rupees or so after tailoring. They are not all that great but what can you expect at that price! The pants are a little tight. The man I bought my cloths from went out of his way to make sure I got a good deal from the tailor (only 100 rupees to make 1 suite not 150rs), which surprised me. I don’t know if he is just a nice guy or what but his assistant sure was nice.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Hotel Room Rave

God I am tired. Last night was crazy. I wish I could go home for just a day, I am feeling worn down by everything. I love it here but I just need a break for a little while. It would be so nice to walk down the street and not be stared at.... to be completely invisible...and at the same time I am feeling so alone, my groups are all clicking and I don’t know how to do that...I guess I just don't fit in very easily. I try talking, being all interested in them, they ignore me, and so I have resorted to just shutting up and staying to myself as usual. I cant figure it out...what do they do to get in the click...their conversation isn’t all that deep most of the time and I can match it pretty well so what the hell is the problem. In America a guy wont talk to me and here every single and several married guys would be glade to sleep with me but its just that, they don’t care about anything, its just about sex and money and visas so I can’t do that, its just not right. So, what the hell am I supposed to do? ...I want someone to talk to and give massages and go to eat with and spend time with. I want to go out and have someone to talk to in a group instead of tagging along all the time. Indian guys are sleazy, most American guys are to, and the ones that are not wont give me the time of day. I donno, just feeling somewhat alone. The dancing last night was awesome, but I donno, it got a little out of hand and that is totally not me. I hate that, I hate beer and I donno.... damn.... everat in a way that was just not "you"? That did not make you proud? .....anyways.... better go.... I have 3 hours to kill and if I go back to the flat I will just be lone in my room and if I stay here and walk back in the dark ill get killed, god I miss sisters.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

My First Disco (24th)


Macloed Ganj resturant (on the corner on the second level) that we ate at last night

Macloed Ganj is where the Tibetans live. They drive nice cars, are relatively clean, and seem to have an air of prosperity about them, while minutes down the road is a ramshackle group of tents where a group of 20 or so Indian families live in poverty. It’s very strange, I have lost much of the sympathy I had for the Tibetans although their monks are wonderfuly warm and kind people. Anyways, last night was crazy but most of it is a haze. A group of the younger volunteers and I went to a nice restaurant on an upper floor of building in Macloed Ganj where we were dropped off by the taxis. It was about 6pm when we arrived and proceeded to gorge ourselves on plate after plate of Indian and Tibetan food and & Day Apple Wine. From that time on the night seems like a dream. We went to a disco club next door and danced for a few hours. The only women there were us but that did not stop the 40 or so men that were there from enjoying themselves. We were supposed to have bodyguards but they came a little late. It was the best time I have had in my life. I never knew how much I love to dance. I love the dark heat of it and the upbeat, energizing music. I love the closeness of other people; it’s all so fun if only people didn’t add drugs, alcohol and sex into it. It was a mass of humanity. It was a kaleidoscope of hands, hips, sweat, pulsating, smells, colored lights, salt, turbans, and Punjabi music combined with Brittany Spears blasting from the speakers. I was completely oblivious to anything until I was dragged out onto the roof with the rest of the group. I swear they made me drink about 2 gallons of water that made me sick. My stomach felt like it was going to rupture. A guy came up and asked Michael if he could dance with his wife (me)…. he shushed him away…god bless Michael and every one of them…every one. When I returned to the dance floor the bodyguards had come and we left soon after that and hunkered down in a Yogi studio at the top of the floor. The cold cement and hard mats did not make for the best I have ever slept but, as all the hotels were fool of Dhali Lama followers, there wasn’t much of an option.

Tibetan Cultural Center-An Email To A Teacher


Tibetan rock painting


I am writing you from Dharmshala India. India is an amazing country full of contrast, color and pollution. I’m staying where the current Tibetan Govt. is located, in the foothills of the Himalayas. A few days back we went to the Tibetan Institute For Culture And Art about 20 minutes away from town and got to see how the traditional artists learn their trade. It was so amazing how focused those kids were. Many of them would spend more then 10 years studying their craft, be it painting or sculpture or clothing. All of their art has a religious basis and they do general prayers every day before beginning their work. I've spent most of my time teaching...schooling here is a different world. There are usually between 50-150 children in the primary schools and the building consists of a square concrete structure with a stonewall around it. The teachers seem to come and go as they please and a few never show up at all. It’s amazing that the kids learn at all. Teaching is a challenge because they kids have no supplies (no pens or paper or books) and most only know a few words of English. Any ideas how to teach kids you cant communicate with and who have no supplies? :-) Well, its going pretty well all things considered and I love India. Its so hard to explain...anything I tell you, the opposite will also be true, so what can I say? Its colorful, full of smells and pollution, friendly people, crooks, animals, rickshaws, beautiful and intricate art, trash and millions of children. I spent a week in Jaipur, which is a city about 5hours from Delhi, and it was a different world from the Himalayas. Camels, elephants, cows, turbaned Sikhs, you name it, you can find it on the streets of Jaipur! I went to a clothing factory there and saw the dying process of the saris and khamizes as well as the stone cutting factory. The stone cutting factories there use ancient techniques and tools that have been passed down from generation to generation and have hardly changed at all over the past hundred years. Anyways, as far as history, India is full of it. Its amazing how everything has been around so long here....I went to a village outside of Jaipur where most of the houses were nearly 500 years old and had been owned by the maharaja. The religious mix is also interesting here. You have this idea about something like Islam or Hinduism or whatever and when you come here you realize there is no one Islam or one Hindu, they are completely different in different areas. When I thought of Islam I though conservative, but in India most of the Muslims are much more open then I would ever expect and most don't even pray 5 times a day. Some Muslims believe in karma and have gurus, weird ha? I saw an anti American protest to! I’m sure you would have been interested to see it. We were warned to stay inside on Friday because its the Muslim day for prayer and they had planned an anti war march through Old Delhi. My friend invited me out and I went. and before I knew it I was in the middle of about 200 Muslims chanting in Hindi, it scared me to death but it ended up alright.....everyone hates Bush here, including the Americans I’ve talked to but they don’t seem to be overly resentful of American people in general which is good. Anyways, I better go. The rains have stopped for the moment and its getting dark (walking alone at night is asking for trouble here



Thursday, July 22, 2004

First Day Of Summer Camp


The group catching the taxi to camp in the morning

Today was my first day of camp. We drove for about 20 minutes and arrived at a stone walled schoolyard with 4 or 5 rooms that had rolled up mats in the backs instead of desks. When the van rolled to a stop about 100 brown little faces popped up over the courtyard wall. The day went fairly well although the kids are a lot less open and friendly then they were in Rajgarh. My inquiry of “Nam?” was met with blank stares and vacant expressions. I am pretty sure they speak Hindi but you would never guess it from their reactions. All together there were about 150 kids and 50 or so parents and older siblings. Apparently they came to ease their fear that we would steal their children and whisk them back to America with us. Tempting…but I will pass on that one. Anyways, we hung out the rest of the day at the flat. I called mom after a late night walk to the cyber café. I have been having constant feeling of queasiness but it is not crippling which is nice. I am also getting used to the group. Many are still obnoxious but it is not all that bad. My roommate moved out of my room with no explanation and we have not talked since which is weird but whatever.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Monsoon Rains


Some of the volunteers at the main flat

The first of the mansoon rains have arrived (two weeks late) and it is so refreshing-ahh bliss! I can't explain the joy of it. My placement is similer to the one in Rajgarh but instead of a school, it is a large summer camp with around 100 children. The summer camp will give the children (k-5) a place to express themselves and get some personal attention that they could not get at home. Most of the children spend the summer working in the fields and at home or taking care of their other brothers and sisters. Me and seven other volunteers headed to camp today at around 9am only to find that all the children had been told to come tomorrow. We walked around for several hours in the local villages to make sure the families knew to send their children to our camp at 10am tomorrow. The villages were quaint, lush and peaceful with the relaxing pace of rural life about them. Anyways, I am feeling the urge for girly talk. A wave of lonely just rolled over me and I have had a lot of things on my mind lately. I wish I knew someone around here whose world did not revolve around sex or superficial ideas about spiritual living. I guess that’s unfair, they aren’t all superficial but it seems pretty fake to me. I wish I still believed in magic. It is scaring me that I am starting to loose that ability young lovers and children have to give their whole heart to something. To love easily and deeply and see the world through simplistic eyes, know instantly what is right and wrong, that is all changing. I don’t feel as much anymore. I don’t get hurt but I also don’t bubble over with bliss as often. A man can leave or I can see suffering and it does not affect me hardly at all. I don’t think it is all together bad. Perhaps it comes with wisdom. A sort of calluse people develop alone with their masks that they wear so much as they learn to move in this world. I just need to remember Abraham (the foundation of my belief system). I know I should write about India but I am not in the mood. Well my fellow roommate Maloney is bedding down and I think she has the right idea. It’s freezing here! G-Nite

P.S. Went to Macloed Ganj…. beautiful market but a bit tourist…I almost felt almost overlooked, it was great!

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Arrived-Dharmshala

The other 30 volunteers and I arrived in Dharmshala at around 7am after an all night bus ride from Delhi. After unloading my bags I promptly collapsed in a heap on the bed and woke again at around 3pm, missing the orientation, drop off exercise and lunch. The group is rather annoying but not all that bad I suppose. One family in particular has been driving me up the wall. Gee I think India is making me a bit tense, I don't mean to sound so judgmental. Anyways, it’s my diary so I will say what I want. So there! This family are wanna bee Buddhist with to much money and no manners. Another girl has the most annoying voice I have ever heard-a sort of nasal whine-but seems like a decent sort. *Sigh* The only other annoyance is a group of spoiled immature young men who are Indian in appearance but defiantly American in attitude. All the annoying ones are in other flats acres so I am quiet happy. The flats are all scattered over a sort of ridge in the foothills so we get lots of exercise going up and down them all the time. The lady in my flat is an older English lady who seems sweet and I like being in the main flat close to all the activity. Anyways, about Dharmshala. Dharmshala is a beautiful community and has been made popular with hippies; tourist and Buddhist wanna bees alike because of its proximity to McLeod Ganj, the home of the Dalai Lama and the Tibetan Govt. in exile. The Tibetan and Indian communities seem to mix as little as possible and there is definitely a feeling of separation between the two groups. The climate is cool and relatively clean for a change and I think it will be a nice change from Rajastan. I sure do miss Kerani and I am feeling pretty home sick as well.


Sunday, July 18, 2004

Back "Home" In Delhi


Me and Kerani saying bye

I caught a bus back to Delhi last night. The guy in the seat next to me was what you might call the Indian version of a geek. He had beady little eyes and the habit of alternately belching and muttering incoherently under his breath every few minutes. The gal on my other side had an extra toe jutting out from the top of her foot...weird! Anyways, the ride wasn't all that bad considering the unfortunate absence of air-condition on our bus and my odd travel companions. I arrived in Delhi around 10pm and took an overpriced rickshaw back to Hauz Khas. This place feels like home now and I am glade to be back in the sheltering walks of the complex. When the door opened to my room, I was greeted by Kerani’s grinning face and I can't express my pleasure at seeing a familiar person again. We spent the next day walking around, eating at Pizza Hot and getting a coconut head massage for Kerani at a solon down the road. Even in India, the whole fashion/solon scene is not for me. I feel uncomfortable in settings where you are expected to be fashionable and I can't see the point of socializing just to show off the way some girls tend to. Yuk. That night I accompanied Kerani to the airport and saw her off. I am on my own now, no fellow Oregonian to gain reassurance or comfort from. After she left we waited for some rich ***** to come from Paris. Thank god she is not coming to Dharmshala because I can’t stand the women. She is the guru following type who flashes way to much money and has a “holier then thou” attitude about her. Her husband and two kids are coming to Dharmshala, which is to bad, but at least they are not as obnoxious as her. Anyways, Benji has been coming to Hauz Khas for the past few days and bugging various people that has resulted in him being banned from the apartment complex. The security being a joke, that means basically nothing but it is still a pain to have to worry about him. I feel kind of bad about it. I know it sound stupid but he is just so little and he has a really innocent side to him.

At Oreintation

Well I am at my second orientation. My Dharmshala program has began and the group of new volunteers has arrived. The seem a little stuck up but there are a few nice people and three of the volunteers from Rajgarh (Michael, Ateqa and Ali) are coming to Dhamrshala with me. Benji came about half an hour ago and I talked to him in front of Geetu (a Dharmshala staff member) and the Sikh driver who took me to the train station last time. I think he will leave me alone now. We are leaving at 5pm today for Dharmshala…..

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Saqawatee


Saqawatee

Got ripped off…go figure. Two hundred a day…yah right. Turned out to be more like 1000. I was really ticked off. “That SOB” I thought, he was my friend. Well I survived. I guess 75$ too much is worth my life. Still… it’s a bummer to be taken for a ride by someone who is so nice…but it is India and I should have expected that. Well, live and learn I guess.... Sigh... Salim, his friend, and I went to a small town called Saqawatee for the night. A small city, Saqawatee was built about 800 years ago and is situated 4 hours south of Jaipur. The town was originally home to one of the many maharajas of Northern India The houses there are ornately decorated with beautiful ceramic tiles depicting the history of India and the feats of its maharajas. It’s quiet and rural atmosphere is a pleasant change to the rush of Jaipur however there is a definite element of sleaze about the area. The hotel I stayed in was a bit sleazy but not to bad. I was only woken up once in the middle of the night and offered “free massages” on the roof. When I refused he assured me there was “no charge, absolutely free”! These guys ….wow…. who do they think they are anyways? One home of the maharajas of old, Saqawatee is a village full of ornately enameled stone houses and huts. The atmosphere is strangely quiet and it seems almost unnatural walking down the street because of the absence of people learning or beggars. The hotel staff and shopkeepers were of the slimy variety (surprise surprise). I would say the best thing about the place was the hour or so long camel ride I went one….I highly recommend it although if you have any riding experience it may seem a bit on the slow side. Salims driver went with me. If it weren’t for the grinning guy behind me it would have been relaxing. I know I keep repeating my self but the guy really was sleazy! He told me about his wife and 7 kids and his western girlfriend who brought his family gifts every year. Do they have no morals? He was Muslim for god’s sake. What kind of women would do that anyways? It is disgusting. As if a wife, seven kids AND a girlfriend was not enough, he promptly offered to make me his second wife half an hour into the ride. He may be excused for being uneducated and never having been taught respect or values but someone coming over here from the west and promoting those kinds of behaviors. Knowingly sleeping with a married man? It’s horrible. And these guys, do they have no respect at all for there women? Maybe it is because they do not marry for love, I am not sure. I have almost decided every man is a sleaze deep down-Indian men just do a bad job of hiding it. Gosh! I am getting cynical. I guess I should start doing positive affirmations or something. It is sad that their whole world revolves around such a insignificant thing. I mean common, one little nothing controls your universe…just think what they are missing! It’s pathetic. Well that’s enough ranting….sorry it seems to be becoming a habit…Byeee

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Busy Evening

Tonight was beautiful. The Nahargarh or the Tiger Fort was amazingly beautiful, or the view from the fort I should say. The fort itself was another, rather scary experience. I did not feel safe there at all The first area we went, men seemed to emerge out of the shadows and circle like dogs on the scent of a kill. They were making snide comments in Hindi, which were obviously offensive, and Salim was visibly agitated. He got me out of there alive, for whom I am forever grateful and we went higher on the stone walk. The view was as romantic as anyone could hope for but Salim seemed uneasy and rarely took his eyes off the courtyard behind us. On the drive back I attempted to chat but my voice is still hopelessly uncooperative...Ugg!
LATER
As we rolled into town I felt like I was fly’n high, I was actually doing it! On my own, I am actually living my dream…. Wow! We had a cold coffee at some small time café…conversation was minimal but there was a great live band playing a sort of tope 40 mix Hindi style. We walked back to the car and drove back to the hotel….I think I must have a guardian angel….of all the guides in India I actually got one that isn’t going to kill me…he is experienced at the game and plays it well but at least no one is fooling themselves. I appreciate him for that. He is a bit self-centered but he hides it well so he is forgiven. If people are going to play they should always remember it’s a game otherwise it ends up hurting people. He has taught me a lot about India, its men, Islam and the ideals its young men hold and about myself. The haze is clearing away from my mind a little and I am beginning to see clearly again. I think friends, lovers, or any meaningful relationships in your life are really based on how you feel while you’re with that person. Men her think women dress like they do in America because they want sex but I think it is because they want to feel wanted, beautiful and loved. It is much more psychological then physical. I am beginning to understand how people can marry for reasons other then love. A marriage based on logic can, in some ways, be more convenient and less stressful then those based on emotion. Maybe that’s because a lot of what people call love is simply need. They need each other for emotion support, reassurance, acceptance, etc. Well, tomorrow we are going to a movie perhaps and chilling…maybe shopping god forbid…plz plz plz let me have my voice back! C ya

Busy Day


Jal Mahal Palace


So many thoughts to write down. I woke up around 9am and was picked up at 10. My voice was shot the whole day which really really sucked but I am feeling well otherwise. We went to a monkey temple where I experienced the closest thing to hell I have gone through in a long time. We went the back way up and over a hill on a cobblestone-frying strip. I swear it was at least 120 degrees with no shade and sprinkling of beggars, wide-eyed and grinning men and pigs. Strange enough, there was an almost complete absence of monkeys anywhere. After the walk for what seemed like forever up the mountain on a path so hot I could almost smell the rubber burning on my sandals as I placed my feet on the baking stone, we descended into a nice group of temples and dusty buildings dotted here and there with monkeys. While Salim went for a swim into a communal pool where both men and monkeys frolicked (hygienic ay?), I wondered around in a sort of daze. Inevitably I was accosted by one of the most dislikable men I have ever met. He was the owner of the monkey temple had a knack for pissing people off and seemed to take a perverse pleasure in seeing them turn red with rage. "You sure are emotional aren’t you?" was there first thing that came out of his mouth after I had handed over the 30 R's entree fee he requested. Emotional? I hadn't even said two words to the man. I repressed my urge to ask him why he was such a sleazy fat bastard and instead squeaked out some half ass, "I am sick" and escaped. I still had absolutely no power of speech and couldn't have chewed him out if I wanted to, which was rather annoying to say the least. The temple itself was a dusty stone building that wasn't all that impressive. After hauling ourselves back over the hill and consuming about 4 gallons of water (you think I am joking don't you?!), we went to the main museum in Jaipur who’s name has escaped me. It is strange how the museums in India are so unkempt and full of pigeon %$**, and dust. The museums here are as old and grimy as what they hold within their walls. Countless birds had left their marks on the walls and dirt caked glass cases full of water marked paintings and cobwebbed incrusted sculptures of Vishnu and Ganesh that were set haphazardly throughout the rooms of the big building. In a brief moment of panic I thought I had lost Salim. As the ever-present crowds of men started to gather around me I realized Jaipur was absolutely not a city too travel solo in. My savior was found and we headed for the Amber Fort where I was to have my first potentially deadly experience with the male scum of India. The fort was beautiful and my guide, although utterly incomprehensible, was a nice enough old fellow. After my tour I wondered around for a while when a short, round man began to follow me. The man was trouble; I knew the second he opened his mouth. It wasn't because of what he said, he was utterly polite-too polite-it was that he simply oozed an almost evil dishonesty that seemed 100x creepier then the open stares and comments of the young men on the streets. That’s it...he was profoundly and unquestionably creepy in a dangerous, rapist sort of way. He started asking questions and offered to show me the rooms of the ort even though he had previously said that it wash is first time in the place. I figured it was harmless to go with him since we were in a public place and he was alone so I went with him. Looking back, that is what scares me most. It isn't him, it is my blatant stupidity. Maybe my mind wasn't working because of sickness and heat but never the less, that is the reason I have decided never to go solo in India again until I get some more common sense or a really really big boyfriend. Even though he claimed to be a tourist like me, he know the fort inside out. As he wondered through the passageways, he kept brushing up against me and rubbing his hands against mine. I told him my Jeep was waiting but he followed me faithfully till we got to the entrance where he insisted I meet his "friend" who was equally creepy. Thankfully my driver came to the rescue before I could get into any more trouble and took me back to the rickshaw lot about 5 minutes down the hill. When I arrived one of the older drivers very kindly offered to group and kick the guys ass but I, ever stupidly polite, refused his offer. An hour of chilling at the carpet shop and back to the hotel. After busting an axel and hitting no less then three vehicles, I was returned safely to my hotel.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Rickshaw Day


Me and Saleem


I woke up this morning feeling like I had been getting a thorough beating all night long. Every inch of me ached and the worlds seemed to spin around me when I sat up in bed. The rickshaw sent came at 10am with his brother who introduced himself as Salim and will apparently be my guide for the next week. We spent the day driving around from palace to palace but to tell you the truth, my favorite parts were just driving and spending time with shop keepers. It was a great experience to be so immersed in the culture and the city itself is incredibly magical. Jaipur is unlike anywhere I have been in India. The drivers are even worse then Delhi and that’s saying something! Driving down the street is both thrilling and fascinating. As we jerked and leaped through the pink city, we swerved around plodding camels effortlessly pulling carts, piled high with wood, fruit, grain and other necessities that were on their way to market. As we passed lazy eyed elephants and ancient fortresses that were doubtlessly once how to some great maharajas of old, I simply soaked it all in, in stunned aw. Colorfully dressed men garbed in robes with bright turbans on top my head grinned and waved as we drove past and for the first time since I have been here, I felt beautiful. The palaces are amazing but my favorite part of the day came toward noon when Salim took me to his "cousins" carpet shop and we sat for a while talking. I ended up spending on 700 R's on something I really didn't want but it was worth it. God it is so hard to write since I have come here, my motivation is plummeting day by day and the quality.... well I am glade no one is grading this! Anyways, I feel like I am getting to know India a little better now that I have been traveling alone. Salim seems to be more of a modern Muslim guy, not like the Pakistani pen pals I have had in the past. I am not sure which is better. On one hand you have some sense of respect and traditions, on the other, modern Muslims are less hostile and more open to the West but they loose some of their original dignity and self respect. I am not sure how to describe it exactly. Salim is not a sleazy guy but his values are quit a lot different then I would have expected. I would say he is a businessman, not to greedy but defiantly aiming to come out on top. I do not think he has a whole lot of reservations on some things that most Muslims do if you know what I mean, but he is not pushy and I appreciate his logical thinking. I trust him on a basic level-as in; I don't think he will kill me. Smooth talking and confident, he is a descent guide and I am glade it was him. Anyways, I got to see how the cloths were dyed and how they run their business. If you ever get the chance, spend some time just hanging out with the people. I loved it. Green Textiles was the company name and I liked the oldest son-slick and businesses minded much like Salim but with less of a "cool" streak. On our way back to the Hotel Pearl Palace (which is an EXCELLENT hotel for the price) we were hit by a motorcycle, swerved around a rickshaw and promptly slammed into a TA TA fruit truck.

Chokhi Dhani

After a nap and a shower Salim picked me up in his taxi and we went to a resort (Chokhi Dahni) about 20k out of Jaipur. I had completely lost my voice at that point and I am sure Salim was bored out his mind spending the evening with a mute tourist but oh well. The really maddening part was that I wanted so much to talk to him and all I could do was squeak in a whisper whenever he asked me anything. The resort was a lovely and safe place that I would recommend to anyone. It is a bit touristy but in a nice way. The best part was the camel rides, really cool! The poor guy holding the rope almost fainted when I let go of the horn but I felt completely comfortable and my 10-year experience jumping horses seemed to help. There was traditional Rajastani dance and an ox cart that we took and explored the resort grounds with for an hour or so before ordering an overpriced sandwhich that was left untouched on my plate and heading home.

Monday, July 12, 2004

La Lu Sick

I miss La Lu. The waiters here never smile or ask how I am the way he always did. I don't think Rajastan is my cup of chai.....:(

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Delhi Belly


Old Delhi Station

I have been living in a hell for the past two days. My temporary bought of negative thinking gave way to gut wrenching stomach cramps and thought dulling headaches-the kind that makes you feel like someone took an axe to your skull if someone shuts the door to hard. That will teach me too forget my posative affermations! Beware Delhi Belly! It does exist and it does suck indiscribably. I wish I would have been more careful and done something, anthing to avoid getting sick. If the sickness doesn’t kill you, the heat is happily waiting to give it a shot. The two forces working together are devastating. I spent last night hugging the toilet bowl for dear life, heaving and wrenching every few minutes and dripping sweat. I think Peter saved my life. He stayed with me an read most of the day. It was such a relief having someone around. Oh, I forgot to mention that there are millions of invisible bugs in Delhi that have taken it upon themselves to keep me company along with Peter. My legs are covered in giant welts from the damn things. Anyways, back to my faithful companion. He is awesome. LATER I am going to be pick up in the morning by a Sikh driver from CCS (4am) and driven to the Old Delhi Station so that I can catch a train to Jaipur. I trust him more then any other Indian man I have met so far. He has amazing brown eyes and is extremly polite. It is hard to explain, he has an ora of integrity about him that inspires a person tobelieve in him. The Delhi-Jaipur express was a pleasent ride..slightly cramped but the excellent air conditioning compensated for that. When I stepped off the train, heat hit me like a punch in the gut and I gasp in shock. A young energetic rickshaw driver immediatly whisked me off to the Hotel Pearl Palace. Smooth as they come, friendly and full of charm I could hardly help but like the guy. I am sure he is probably a master at his trade but I don't mind loosing a few extra rupees to get my mind of my jumpy stomach an the fact that I am completly alone in the middle of India and have no idea what I am doing. I have arranged to meet him at 10am tomorrow for a tour....20 ruppees a day...yeah right. Jaipur is pleasent so fare but much more tourist oriented then Delhi. I am missing bat man (in hindi) on my new tv... sighning off....night night....

Friday, July 09, 2004

Hauz Khas-Bad Mood


Hauz Khas



Peter is leaving tomorrow and I will be on my own until Sept.. been so sick....I have been thinking a lot about various things. I realize today that Peter and Kerani are probably two of the nicest people I have ever known and its very possible I will never see either of them again. Even most of the beggars have someone. I know its completely ridiculous and selfish to complain but hell....its MY diary after all. The whole idea of coming home and starting school again is a bummer. I will have tow ork forever to save enough to come back or go somewhere else and the responsibilities are piling up with every year that passes. I can feel them somewhere in the future waiting to pounce. I feel old already. I wish I could stay here or have enough resources to fulfill all my dreams and buy mom a house. I know I will figure it out, I guess I just tend to get all worked up about things. The only guy that will date me is a psycho and after 4 years of talking daily still has no idea who I am....I wonder why that is....fat? Yeah but that dosn't really matter . Personality? Maybe....but for the life of me I can't figure out exactly what it is about my personality. It isn't that I want to date, I just want someone who I respect to consider me a reasonable option...I guess that doesn't make a whole lot of sense? I’m sick of takers cuz I feel like I can't give freely to people like that. I love to give and care and appreciate but with takers it is like they are sucking my energy out of me. Ahhh I am rambling... BEEEP....

Goodnight

Thursday, July 08, 2004

The Last Day


My wonderful group (L-R) Micheal, Aateqa, Cathline, Me, Kerani (below) Peter, Lauren, Ali and Benjamin

I am at my NGO-the Karyoute School in Shallana. I have been pretty much just sitting here for the past few hours watching the kids do their home work. I am leaving at 12am or so and going back to the Ruchi house for me and Peters farewell lunch. We depart for Kolka at 2pm. ON THE TRAIN It is night in Delhi now and I am in the mood for a long bubble bath complete with candles, a bed with clean sheets, apple juice and soothing music. It is crazy being back in Delhi after spending so much time out of the city. I can tell the difference in the peoples attitudes just watching them interact with each other. All in all I am glade to be back. Delhi is insane but its more engaging and somehow I feel safe here. Peter is sleeping so I guess I will go to bed to....yeah I know what your thinking....don't tempt me :-p

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Family Visit


Bugs Bugs EVERYWHERE

The day got off to a horrible start but it turned out alright in the end. First of all, I thrashed and rolled around half the night because of a fever and I had the feeling that every insect in India was busting out moves in my bed. I swear I felt little legs crawling over every inch of my body. Whether it was real or imagined I can only guess. I stumbled out of my bed at an ungodly time of 4am . Mystomach was knotted and my body was wet with sweat. All the dirt and grime from the sheets that were given us seemed to have attached itself to me and a thin layer of gritty mud covered me head to toe as a resulted. I sat staring blankly at the floor, in dazed from the sleepless night I had. With the prospect of watching the sunrise with Peter, I clambered up the hill and waited. I spent the next two hours with a neighborhood dog named Casper sitting on a hillside, shivering and feeling altogether awful. The sunrise was a lousy one and the lack of someone to talk to made it even worse. I went to a family in town later on in the day and spent the day with the woman of the household. It was really great. I sat and read and write some thoughts down (and promptly lost my paper) and generally lounged about the house. It was nice spending time with a women. I was not sure if she was glade I was there at first. Maybe she was shy but when they came to pick me up early she shushed them away and told them to come back later...maybe she was as glade of the company as I was.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Apple Cider And Monkeys


Shimla Christ Church


Hey hey! Feeling great. Lets see. I have slacked off on my journaling. On July 36th we walked around the bazaar near the White Hotel that was where we stayed in Shimla. That night we ate at the Asiana restaurant and I drank for the first time in my life. Apple cider and only a bottle of it combined with one shot of vodka loosen my steps a bit but didn't do much. It was a positive experience not that I plan on repeating it often but it was a good atmosphere. Everyone I was around was responsible and I felt safe with them. I was not out of control and I didn't feel remotely sick the next morning. I do not know about the "buzz" people talk about but all I got from drinking was a little dizzy. At least I've done it. Anyways we walked up a killer hill the next morning to see the Shimla Money Temple, which was a killer walk, but worth every step not because of the temple but cuz of the fun we had on the walk. When we got to the top it started to pour rain and a mist rolled in which gave the whole place a magical feel to it. There is this type of Sikh...they have stout troll like bodies and tend to have long scraggily beards, fat nose and are rude as any brat I've ever met. I was actually groped bye one he was around 60! I thought it was an accident until it happened again. The guy really creeped me out.... keep your eye on those ones. Oh I forgot to mention that we went to Joggi and met his wife (arranged marriage) and adorable little boy. He sees like such a natural father. Back to Sunday...we left July 4th at around 4pm and drove back to the Ruchi house that took about 5 hours. Sat next to Mr. manners. If I never see him again (which 99% I wont), just happy I have been around someone like that. I am happy. Last night Auteqa and Loran fixed dinner for the staff. The dinner consisted of corn that was the consistency of concrete, wonderfully American mashed potatoes, sturfry and cookies. Oh, I started a new GPS (govt primary school) in Kugerate village over the past few days cuz my school mysteriously "closed".. The village I am working in is called Kuregate Village. Today was my last day there. I love talking to the locals and the kids are cute (for the first few hours at least). I guess I will go for a walk. Oh-Kerani is really a neat person; I never would have guessed I would like her so much. She is a sweet girl. It is nice to be around someone with integrity who is not so judgmental as most and whom I can relate to on most subjects. To think I've gone to school with her for 3 years and never even spoke to her! Anyways, my pilgrimage to sunset hill must start.... byee

Friday, July 02, 2004

Naughty Thoughts

I am in the White Hotel in Shimla looking at the nicest guy I have ever met. I can't sleep but everyone else is....there are 4 of us in here. The guys are on the floor and me and Kerani are on the two single beds....Wow....this guy is so incredible! He isn't beautiful just cuz he is tall and handsome, he is a NICE PERSON :o Wow, a good looking guy who has manners and actually talks to me. Better get a grip....thinking of something else....I am starting to get attached and that never seems to be a good idea....shhhh it will be our secret, k?

Shimla

I need a hug. ...

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Sunset Hill


The view from Sunset Hill

I am sitting in a cloud of orange and yellow dragonflies on top of a hill looking out over a lush valley. It is full of small villages and the hustle and bustle that characterizes rural India. I spent most of the day sitting in a garden surrounded by peach trees watching a baby girl play with her mother. I know India has changed me, or rather helped me to become more of myself. It is a slow process but it works at the foundation of your soul and I can feel it shifting minutely within me. I probably wont realize it until I have been home a while. It is humbling to realize America and what it stands for is neither lover nor idealized by everyone. In fact, many resent America. Click on this LINK to see a major reason why. One thing that has surprised me about India is the importance of appearance (especially to women). It is almost as bad as in the USA. Slim is very desirable (particularly in cities). I do not know where the "well rounded is popular over there" idea came from. I guess Ill have to try Italy next time for that..*sigh*....Tomorrow is the start of my first 2 day weekend and we are all going to a small town called Shimla. Goodnight :)